Last night before I fell asleep I got to thinking about something I haven't thought of in a very long time. It's memories I wish I didn't have, but in the long run I think they have helped make me who I am. Sexual harassment starts so early, and it happens to both girls and boys. It's something I am very touchy about and I will not suffer jokes on that expense, because I have been there and it is frightening and infuriating and most of the time I have felt my only defence is to get away. There hasn't been words I could say and I have always had to face it alone.
When I was in middle school, it must have been 5th or 6th grade so I was around 11-12 years old, Iwas left alone in a classroom after the last class. I think I was finishing an assignment or something like that. Two boys came into the room and I guess they said something to me, but I can't remember what. I can remember exactly who they were though. I didn't get up, I continued with my school work when one of them came up to me and put his hand on my breast. I can't remember much of my reaction, I can just remember getting up and gathering my things as quickly as I could and getting out. It was such a quick, small incident but it was frightening for an 11 year old girl. I was alone with two boys who were bigger than me and he took away my right to my own body. Over the years I haven't thought much about it simply because I don't want to.
A year or two later I was coming out from the library when I met an older man in the street. He must have been middle age or a bit older than that and he wore a dirty suit and looked like he needed a shower. I remember he had a tie for a belt and I thought that was odd. He said if I came with him up to his flat he'd give me sweeties. Luckily I was old enough to realize that there was something wrong and that was probably not the entire truth. I just said no and walked away. In hind sight, I should have gone back into the library and told the librarian. I was probably not the only little girl he approached. What would have happened if I had gone with him? I don't really want to think about that.
On a cruise ship with my family when I was around 14 a man in his late twenties or thirties came up to me while I was dancing and told me I looked really cute. He leaned in close to me and I could smell alcohol on his breath and I remember feeling cornered and frightened. Luckily I had my father and his wife close by, so I managed to slip away to them.
They are just a few of the instances, I'm sure there are more. The sadest part is that I have gotten off lightly. My encounters with sexual harassment have been one off occasions and easy to brush off, so even though they have helped form the way I think they have had no traumatic impact on my life. It still happens today. Occasionally, mostly when I'm out to a pub or nightclub, there is a man who thinks it's his right to put his hands on my body. When wearing a nice dress I have even heard a man tell me "What do you expect when you dress like that?". I expect to still be an individual. I expect to have a right of choice of who touches me and when. I expect to be treated respectfully no matter if I wear a dress or if I wear jeans.
Today I am lucky enough to have someone who loves and respects me, but everyone is not so lucky. That is why my tolerance level to sexist jokes is so low. Every joke about a woman's "rightful place" or violence against them is a laugh at the expense of women who have to live through that every day. And even if everyone doesn't have it that bad almost all girls and women are subject to sexual harassment at some point in their lives. My first experiences were very early, but at least I was old enough to handle it somewhat well. Some others don't. It's important to understand this is a big problem, it's important to teach children as well as adults that this is not tolerable.
I don't know what made me think of this last night, but to be honest it feels better to talk about it than just keeping it to myself. As I said, I got off lightly, it's nothing I can't handle, but let's try and make sure others don't have memories like these to handle in the first place.
Saga xx
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